Ranma ½ and Maison Ikkoku are both property of Rumiko Takahashi,
and the several publishing companies she has sold the rights too as 
well.

Books 1 and 2 can be found at: Rangerhq.50megs.com Sofaspud.Org,
and Fanfiction.net

Comments and criticism welcome, E-mail me at starrngr@aol.com;
Pointless flames will be ignored.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Tales of the Wanderer: Book Three: “Nerima Wandering” Chapter 2: 
“School Daze(d?)”


     The first day of the new school year had fallen, appropriately
enough, on the first of April.  While the English tradition of 
‘April-Fools’ hadn’t achieved any real penetration into the Japanese
culture, there was one new teacher who was fully aware of the irony
of this fact.  And he, at least, was not looking forward to the day
ahead.  It could be said, in fact, that he wasn’t really looking
ahead at all; when he met his co-worker out front of their boarding
home for the walk to the train station, his eyes were still half 
closed and quite puffy looking.

     “You’re not much of a morning person, are you?” teased Godai
as the pair entered the train station.  “I thought you said you were
going to try to get to bed early last night.”

     “That was before Akemi decided to ‘sleepwalk’ into my bed again.
Five times, no less.”

     “I thought I warned you to lock your door.”

     “I did.  It didn’t help.”

     “Oh.”  There was commiseration apparent on Godai’s face as the
train pulled in.  For someone who claimed to still be half asleep,
Thunders was still able to hold his own in the crush for train seats;
although he did chose to remain standing, seemingly still asleep
even as he held onto the hand loop.  Nor did he miss their stop 
either.  He was moving towards the doors before Godai could elbow
him and mention they’d arrived.  The only time Thunders looked 
remotely awake was when he’d stopped for a moment at a Starbuck’s
and rattled off an order without even looking at the menu.  Godai
wasn’t certain what it was, but the attendant did, so the pair was 
still able to make it to the office right on time.

     As they signed in, the secretary handed out the finalized
class schedule.  The good news was their break period would be first
period; the bad was that this meant they’d be the yard monitors
before school starting tomorrow.  Godai went pale at the news, but 
Thunders simply raised an eyebrow at this and grunted before 
shuffling out of the office.  

     Once in the teacher’s lounge, Godai wandered over to the window
and shuddered.  “Oh, my poor wife.  How will you survive loosing
another husband so soon?” he moaned to himself.

     “Oh good grief, Godai-san.  Its just yard monitor duty, not an 
assignment to a war zone,” Muck grumped from where he sat sipping
his coffee.

     “You’d have a better chance surviving a war, Thunders-kun.
Look!”

     Muck Thunders pried open an eye and appraised the mass of male
students crowded around the gate.  They surged forward, as if in 
response to a battle cry from the other side of the fence, only to be
propelled back into the schoolyard, flung back over the fence in 
threes and fours and fives.  “Looks like the normal arrival of the 
Tendo express to me,” he grunted.  “I thought they’d given up.”  A 
particularly high-flying student landed just outside the window and
lay where he fell, groaning.  “Aha.  Looks like Kuno has terrorised
the freshmen.  I give it a week before they’re more afraid of Tendo
than of him.  In the meantime, just stay out of the way.  You’ll
be fine.”

     “But we’re the teachers!  How can we expect the students to 
respect us if we’re too chicken to step in and stop something
like this?”

     “I bet we get a lot more respect for showing the common sense
not get caught in the collision between the unstoppable force and the
immovable object.  Now come away from the window before you worry
yourself straight into an institution.  What good will you be to your
wife and children if they have to haul you away in a hug-me coat?”

     “Right, right,” Godai sighed before turning his back on the 
window and sinking into the couch that was beneath it.  “You seem to
be taking this all awfully calmly though.”

     “Hey, just because I’m Gajin doesn’t mean I’m stupid,” Muck 
replied with a smile as he leaned back in his chair and reached
for his coffee.  However, before he could, a child’s hand grabbed
it.

     “Mmm.  Starbucks!” the young girl exulted after draining the 
cup, then stood on tiptoes and kissed Muck on the cheek.  “Thanks!”
she crowed as she skipped from the room, leaving a flabbergasted
Muck in her wake.

     “HEY!  That was *MY* coffee!!!”

          *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

     Ranma Satome found himself having to deal with a mounting
sense of unease the closer he found himself to Furinkan High.  In 
fact, he was about as nervous as a cat at a dog show, though he’d 
never think of it that way… for obvious reasons.  He was so keyed
up at the moment that had a new enemy appeared out of nowhere to 
challenge him, said enemy would have been in traction before uttering
two words!

     This lingering sense of impending doom could be traced to one 
simple fact; He was having the perfect morning.  No dunkings in the
koi pond, no pounding by an enraged Akane, nor marriage pressure
from any of the in-parentus loco’s.  No attempted glomps from 
Shan-Pu, either, and he’d even managed to avoid the ladle lady!  
Simply put, things were going far to well to last long and Ranma was
waiting for the other shoe to drop.

     He was so busy looking over his shoulders for surprise threats
he ran straight into Akane’s outstretched arm and book-bag.

     “Hold this, Ranma.”

     “Huh?”  This got Ranma’s attention enough that he noticed the 
swarm of freshmen waiting just inside the gate.  Behind them was 
Kuno, rallying his new troops by declaring they could not be full 
members of the student body until they’d proven themselves against
the fair Akane; who at that moment was preparing to tear into them
with a vengeance.  “I thought they all gave up,” he sighed, ready
to throw himself into the fray as well.

     “No you don’t, Ranma!  This is my fight!” protested Akane.

     “But…”

     “No buts!  I want you to promise to stay out of this!  On your
honor as a martial artist!”

     “Aww, geez, Akane!”

     “Promise or I’ll have Nabiki treat Kasumi to a night out!”

     “I promise!  I promise already!”  Ranma replied in a panic 
before instinctively muttering something about un-cute violent 
tomboys under his breath.  Normally, this would have earned him a 
wallop of some sort from said violent, un-cute tomboy; fortunately
she was far more interested in walloping someone else at the moment.
She was sending male students flying with even more efficiency
than last year; they were going back over the school wall in threes
and fours, occasionally even batches of five and six!  This puzzled
the aqua-transsexual martial artist for a moment, causing him to take
a closer look at the fighting; once he had the answer was obvious.
It wasn’t just that Akane was better, which she was, it was that her
new opponents were also much less skilled.  Clearly, Kuno had 
resorted to terrorizing the impressionable freshmen to form this new
squad of challengers.  A move that was pure Kuno, really, and one 
Ranma didn’t like at all.  Those kids didn’t really know what they
were up against and they darn well could get hurt!  As Akane handily
dispatched the last of them, the solution popped into his head.  He’d
promised not to interfere with her fight, but he hadn’t said a thing
about the buffoon who’d sent them into harm’s way…

     Akane stood panting and glaring at Kuno, ignoring everything
he said in preparation for a quick, painful punch somewhere below
the belt as soon as he stopped.  That didn’t happen, as Ranma bounced
over her head, dropping in-between her and Kuno, dropping both of 
their book-bags into her hands as he did.  He didn’t wait for Kuno
to stop speaking, as he lashed out with a lighting fast strike to the
stomach.  The egotistical kendoist folded over in the middle as a leg
sweep deprived him of all footing.  Kuno sort of rolled up into a 
ball, which Ranma then accurately punted into the fourth floor, 
forcing Nabiki and her court to duck as Kuno was neatly delivered
to his new classroom.

     Ranma turned with a smirk, which vanished as soon as he saw 
Akane’s expression.  It wasn’t the full on daemon head that their
fathers had perfected, but she was also clearly not happy.

     “I. Asked. You. To. Stay. Out. Of. This!”

     “I did!  I didn’t say nuthin about Kuno!”

     “RANMA, YOU JERK!”

     Ranma went flying, courtesy of a book-bag to the chin; Akane’s
shot just as accurate as his own as he flew head-first through an 
open window of classroom 2-F…

          *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

     Kuno Tatewaki, legend in his own mind, was not a person who 
suffered fools gladly.  At this moment, he was railing about the 
injustice that ‘The wretched sorcerer Satome’ had done to his fine
name; causing him to loose the class presidency to Tendo Nabiki.
The thought that said damage was due to his own actions was, of 
course, the furthest thing from his mind…  And because of this he 
missed the entrance of someone who suffered the fool even less… 
especially when someone swipes his coffee.

     “MR Kuno!  Kindly shut up and sit down!” came the voice from the
classroom door, tearing everyone’s attention away from the spectacle
Kuno was making of himself.  Nabiki lead the class in bowing to the
new sensei as he crossed the room, pushing a cart with the books for
his class, before giving him the same careful examination that she 
would of any possible threat to her ongoing business interests.
Although this new teacher was an American, he wasn’t overpoweringly
tall… no taller than most other adults, in fact.  His sense of taste
was totally barbaric, as he wore a large brimmed olive green hat over
his hair, and a long black coat over a print shirt only Principal
Kuno would appreciate.  His eyes were a piercing green, and his 
slightly disheveled hair was the same fiery red as Ranma’s cursed
form as he turned to the blackboard to write his name for the class.

     “Good morning, seniors.  As you can see, My name is Micheal
Thunders, and I will be your sensei this year for the subjects
of advanced English and World History.  For those of you who seem to
miss something even when it’s right under their noses,” Nabiki noted
that the Sensei glared at Kuno when he said that… “Yes, I am 
American.  I served in the American military, and flew combat 
missions during the Gulf War before going into teaching instead.
Principal Kuno feels this makes me uniquely suited to give you a 
slightly different viewpoint on these subjects than a native might.”

     The next half-hour passed quickly because of the mundane tasks
of handing out textbooks and the course syllabus, which included
items such as the proper format for class assignments and the grading
curve, before Thunders-sensei dropped a bombshell on the class.

     He’d handed out what was expected to be a rather standard
pre-test that turned out to be anything but.  The questions were in 
English the multiple-choice answers were in Japanese, and the subject
was World History.  This unusual combination brought Kuno to his feet
in protest, which sentenced him to the hall bucket brigade until 
lunch.  It was a deliberate move on Thunder-sensei’s part, though…
because it allowed him to gage both a student’s knowledge of the 
English language and World History at the same time, as 
Thunders-sensei explained after banishing Kuno.

          *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

     Nabiki slowly chewed her lunch as she also digested the reports
her information network had gathered.  Apparently Typhoon Gajin (as
Thunders-sensei had been quietly nicknamed) was due to strike Ranma
and Akane’s classroom after lunch for the subjects of introductory
English, Algebra, and Science.  She wondered if Nerima-Ku would be 
big enough for the clash of Egos that was about to erupt, and if 
there was a way she could profit from it…

     Outside, in the schoolyard, Ranma and Akane were also eating
lunch, camped out under their usual tree, along with their friends.
Ukyuo had brought her portable grill and was set up nearby, doing
a brisk business with the students who didn’t care to brave the 
horrors of the cafeteria.  She looked up at her next customer,
then had to look up a bit more to find her customer’s red hair and 
green eyes and avoid the insane riot of color he called a shirt.

     “Hello, Ms. Kounji.  I take it you have permission from the 
principal to be doing business on the school grounds?”

     “Yes, sir, I do.”

     “Good.  Give me two principal’s specials then.”

     The order was quickly prepared and paid for with a hush of 
anticipation that broke out into conversation once the newcomer
was out of hearing range.

     “Wow, Kounji-chan!  Do you know who that was?” Hiroshi asked.

     “No, should I?”

     “That’s the new teacher the grapevine is talking about… you 
know, Typhoon Gajin?”

     Ranma gave a snort of disgust.  “He don’t look that tough.  It’s
just talk.”

     “I’d still be careful.  I heard he had Kuno out in the hall with
buckets inside of a half an hour.”

     “I heard he was some sort of ex-marine and made students do 
pushups if they got out of line.”

     “I heard he was some sort of special-forces type the Principal
brought in to keep Ranma in line.”

     “Someone told me he was a giant chicken.”

     “DAISUKE!” Everyone yelled in unison.

     “Well, they did!”

     “As if!  Does he look like he’s covered in feathers to you?”

     “Look at that shirt!  He’s probably as crazy as the Principal
is!”

     “He ordered a Principal’s special.  I’ve never heard of anyone
else liking ham and pineapple on their okonomiyaki.”

     “We’re doomed.  Doomed I tell you!  Game over, man!”

     “DAISUKE!”

          *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

     It goes without saying that most students greet the final bell
of the day with a sense of relief.  The key word, of course, being
Most.  There are, of course, students for whom that last bell does
not represent their release for the day; and some students do prefer
their school environment to that of their home.  Ranma Satome 
defiantly felt relief.  Not because he was free for the day, but with
the final bell he could finally get rid of the buckets he was 
holding.

     Their new teacher seemed intent on proving that he was just as 
much a stickler for discipline as Ms. Hinako was.  Ranma had found
himself out in the hall almost right away... by the end of the day 
he'd been joined by Akane and Ukyou; who was holding two buckets.
Akane was holding 4 herself, and Ranma was up to 7; which was the 
cause of his relief.  Holding even 7 buckets (three on each arm and
one on his head) wasn't any strain to a martial artist of his 
caliber, but he was definitely glad to get rid of them before someone
or something managed to slop all that cold water on him!

     The resultant detention was also not as bad as it could have 
been; it consisted of having to finish the various tests that He, 
Akane, and Ukyou hadn't finished before being sent into the hall.
The only irritating part of it was having to spend most of that time
with Kuno; still, even that irritation was minimal because Kuno had
a test of his own to finish.  And just to be certain that his 
students behaved, Thunders-sensei had put each of the four into 
separate corners of the room.  With three tests to finish, the sun 
was almost down before Ranma was done, with just enough time to get
home before Pops helped himself to Ranma's dinner.

          *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

     Muck breathed a sigh of relief with Ranma's departure as well.
Despite his calm exterior that morning, he'd worried about surviving
the day himself... especially since his class assignments meant he'd
be spending his entire time teaching one or more culprits of the 
constant state of turmoil that plagued the area.  He'd survived...
for today at least.  Tomorrow, of course, was another day.  He was 
fairly certain that he'd survive that too... the only real question
in his mind just how long it would be before he'd have to resort
to his 'Star Ranger' persona in order to do so.  Muck wanted to put
off that event for as long as possible; aside from the inevitable
questions and concerns about having to dodge people who wanted to 
study him, Nabiki Tendo was one of his students... one who was known
for using anything that came to her attention to her advantage.

     All in all, however, these were considerations for later.  He 
dropped Ranma's tests in with the rest of them in his breifcase
and hurried to sign out.  The setting sun confirmed the lateness
of the hour even without having to check his watch.  All in all, that
made the 'Eat Out' vs 'Eat In' debate a slam dunk; he didn't have 
anything in the fridge back at the Maison.  By the time he caught
the train, picked up food, and finished preparing it?  He'd have 
starved to death first!  Of course, that left the question of where;
a major consideration of its own that would normally tip the debate
in favor of 'Eat In'.

     In the simplest terms, Muck really didn't know anything about
the local eating establishments.  Well, he knew something about two
of them, really, but only what Takahashi had felt like adding to her
stories... which didn't include niceities like a map.  Nor did that
cover the concern of deliberatly placing oneself so close to a known
nexus for the Nerima Insanity Syndrome... something that could well
be hazardous to one's health, after all.

     The prime retail rule of Location, Location, Location settled
the matter for him.  He'd just crossed the tracks when the smell of 
cooking Okonomiyaki tickled his nose and mugged his rumbling 
stoumach.  Making like Toucan Sam and following his nose revealed
that Ukyou's storefront was only a block and a half down the street
from the train tracks; with the grumbling of his stoumach overriding
the screaming of his common sense he went in.

     Ucchan's had a nice homey feel to it, with its wood paneling
and semi private booths along each wall.  A dozen or so tables filled
the rest of the floor between the front of the storefront and Ukyou's
grill at the back, where said cook was putting on her usual 
impressive showing of her cooking arts.  The number of customers
present, giving the place a nicely filled feeling without being 
packed confirmed how Ukyou was able to afford to live away from her
parents, even with the occasional closure to chase her Ran-chan.

     "Table for one, sir, or would you prefer a seat at the grill?"
the waitress asked, appearing by his elbow as if by magic.  Forcing
himself not to jump, Muck indicated the grill would be fine, and 
rumaged through his memories to place her.  Konsenastu, or something
like that, was the answer the probe brain that he'd merged with all
those years ago came up with.  Male, but brought up believing
he was female; trained as a ninja, sort of a male version of 
Cinderella till he was rescued.  Attached himself to Ukyou as a loyal
servant after that.  No indication that he spoke English, but he'd
probably learned it on his own to communicate better with tourist
customers.

     "Arigato, Konsenastu.  But its not neccecary.  I can speak 
Nihongo1", Muck answered as he was lead to his seat.

     "Konastu,honored sir", Konastu replied, switching back to his 
native tounge as he took Muck's hat and coat.  "Tea, Sir?"

     "No, Thank you.  Whatever cola you happen to have on tap, 
please."

     "Right away sir..."  Konatsu replied with a smile before 
vanishing in plain sight even as Ukyou steped over to take his order.

     "Are you ready to order or do you need some time sug... gomen,
Sensei?"  she asked, causing Muck to chuckle under his breath at her
change in terms as soon as she'd gotten a good look at him.

     "Sugar is fine, Ukyou.  I'm only Sensei while you're in class,
as far as I'm concerned; and yes, two 'Principal specials' please."
Ukyou's response was simply to smile and turn her concentration
back to the cooking surface.  Muck sat back, watching her cook even
as his soda appeared as if by magic.  Konatsu was quite good at what
he did, really, Muck mused to himself; yet being the ultimate in 
unobtrousive service really wasn't the way to guarentee large tips!
Still, the only time the 'kounichi' allowed himself to be noticed
were those times when he? she? needed to be... such as when takeing
someone's order.  The rest of the time orders teleported magically
from grill to table while tea and water glasses refilled themselves,
Muck observed as he watched the on-going show that was business
as usual here until his order materialized in front of him.

     He was poking at the last few scraps of that excellent meal,
his hunger satitated to that point where one must choose between
just one more bite and feeling overly full when Ukyou spoke to him 
again.

     "Um, Sensei?"

     "Please, Ukyou.  Save the Senseis for when I'm actually 
teaching.  Otherwise I won't be certain who you're talking to."

     "Well, it really is Sensei.  I really wanted to appologise
for disrupting class this afternoon, Sensei."

     "Ah. Appology accepted then, Ms. Kunonji.  May I ask what it was
that created the outburst, though?"

     Business had slacked off while Muck had been eating, and Ukyou
concentrated on cleaning off the grill as she mumbled something
that wasn't quite intelligable.

     "I'm sorry, I missed that."

     "IwastryingtoappologiseforbombingtheirweddingSensei,"
she repeated with a blush.  Muck absentmindedly popped one last bite
in his mouth while he mentally translated the rushed admission
into something understandable.

     "And they wouldn't accept it?"

     "Sensei, they ignored me.  Its been almost a month since then,
and they still won't talk to me about it.  Anything else, and its 
like nothing happened, but if I try to appologise they treat me like
I no longer exist!"  Blushing furiously, Ukyou suddenly returned
her full attention to an already spotless grill, suddenly trying
to scrub a hole right through the metal.  "I'm sorry.  I shouldn't
have drug you into this, sensei."

     "Actually, when it affects the classroom, it becomes my 
business, Ukyou.  You should know that by now."

     "Yes, Sensei," Ukyou sighed, her voice barely audable.

     Muck poped his last bite into his mouth as a delaying tactic
while he sorted out that information.  He'd figured it was after the
Wedding, since the consensus was that the events of manga had occured
within the span of a single school year.  Now, though, he had 
confirmation, as well as vital information about just how far into
uncharted teritory he was.  As he swallowed that bite he looked back
down... and square into a pair of brown eyes that had a look that 
demanded answers.

     "How is it that a new sensei like yourself knows so much about
what happened a month ago?" Ukyou demanded in a tone that suddenly
had no deference to his position plus a hint of having to suddenly
dodge spatuli if she didn't like the answer.

     "Because I do my homework, Ms. Kounji.  Just because I'm Gaijin
doesn't mean I'm clueless.  When the district and your principal
are willing to hire me almost off the street, it makes one wonder.
And the level of incidental destruction that accompanies Ranma Satome
and his cadre of friends, enemies, and fiancees everywhere they go 
pretty much guarentees coverage of the various incidents in the local
papers.  It wasn't to hard to figure out at least some of the 
dynamics of your compaitrots from that."

     Ukyou paused for a moment, considering that as the fire died in
her eyes to be replaced with a look of wonderment.  "Somehow I always
thought homework was something that you gave the students, not the 
other way around."

     "Don't be silly, Ukyou.  Teachers spend at least as much time
out of the classroom grading papers and preparing the next lesson
as we do in front of the class.  At least the ones truly worthy of 
the title anyway."

     "Yes, Sensei," Ukyou agreed with a blush.

     "Good," Muck confirmed as he stood and laid down enough yen to 
cover his bill, then accepted his coat and hat from Konatsu.  "I 
don't know what to tell you about your friends, and frankly unless
it affects my classes its not my place.  Please see to it that it 
doesn't."

     "Yes, Sensei."

     "Untill tommorow, then."

          *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *